I took a break from Facebook recently due to the antics on one Mokena Nhlapho and his band of followers.
While I will not be burdening myself with discussing the rape allegations against him as that is a matter for the courts, I am very much interested at one specific debate that his antics brought about: Women as sexual beings who are allowed their preferences.
Let me indulge the mean-spirited and say that the girl in the video was engaging in consensual sex, although if that is the general look and demeanor our people have when the sex is consensual, then I really worry about the quality of the sex some of us are having.
Be that as it may, though if two people decide to film their between-the-sheets shenanigans, it is still very wrong for one of them to leak the video in an attempt to embarrass the other.
Otherwise, what is embarrassing about an adult woman having sex with another adult? In fact, I believe the whole point of revenge porn is founded on the premise that women should feel some type of embarrassment or guilt for having consensual sex.
Women are also expected to feel guilt and embarrassment for being raped, so in any case every woman should feel guilty that she had sex, no matter the circumstances!
As if the video was not enough, Mr Nhlapho decided it would be a good move to release the names of other women he had allegedly slept with, to which the population reacted with all the horror one would expect if the man had published a list of women who engaged in blood sacrifices.
I am not sure whether people were shocked to find that women have sex and have been having it for a while now with their personal genitalia that belong to them, or they were shocked to find that people had sex with this Mokena Nhlapho character which would be a little more understandable given that he seems to possess all the sexual maturity of a six-year-old, except I am not surprised myself seeing that he resembles a child anatomically too but that is also a matter of preference.
I have news for you people, BASOTHO WOMEN DO ENGAGE IN CONSENSUAL SEX EVERY NOW AND THEN, WE DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT AND SOME OF US EVEN FIND IT A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE.
Another myth has been that women’s consensual sexuality becomes when she has been spending your money. In other words, if she has spent your money you are allowed to treat her anyhow you would like, including coerced sex, violent rape, assault and even murder!
The general opinion was that we are ending up in sticky situations because we as women love money! Ha! Basotho women are being abused over money? What money? Where is the money? Please show us this money!
I do not know if anyone else has noticed but Basotho men are very lacking financially; very much so but being that it is they enjoy a thriving sex life. The sex life in Maseru alone is booming and that is why there is a guest house which charges for day rest at every street corner.
The HIV prevalence in Lesotho is amongst the highest in the world, actually we are second after eSwatini, and having sold sex toys myself at some point I can tell you that sex is a favorite past time in Lesotho and yet there is nary a millionaire in sight. Where are all these rich men that we are supposedly sleeping with?
If Basotho women were to decide we will only be sleeping with men with money, guest houses would go out of businesses, children whose parent’s shops sell condoms would drop out of school for lack of fees, the whole economy would sink.
Even from the room where that unfortunate video was filmed I do not see this money that allegedly drew the girl to Nhlapho.
The truth of the matter is that victim blaming is very much a Lesotho’s rape culture and it seems we will uphold it at any means. In Lesotho, the possession of a woman private part is rendered unlawful and associated to crime that while not in any formal statute is upheld and defended by all members of society.
Incidentally so is the crime of having, liking, wanting or even trying to make money which is why we continue to remain amongst the poorest countries in the world but that is a topic for another day!
*Thakane-Rethabile Shale is a lawyer, writer and an investigative journalism fellow with the MNNCIJ